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monaboyd_monthA last offering for the day. *doffs hat*
Title: Rather Chase Your Shadow All My Life (Than Be Afraid Of My Own)
Rating: R-ish?
Summary: Ten years in the mutual life.
1999
Dominic's a force of nature, Billy's decided by one week into their friendship, and that decision isn't solely based on the fact that the weather's gone slightly mad since his arrival. No, it's that Dominic changes more than the physical temperature of any space he occupies; even as he antagonizes cast and crew alike delightfully, a warmth radiates from him, and he feels like home to Billy, no matter that he's never known anyone like the kid.
Billy could use a change in his weather, though, and can't believe that in Dominic he's found the perfect storm to ride out.
2000
It's only to Dominic's surprise that Billy turns out to be the best surfer. Dominic envies Billy's technique and willingness to work through his terror; he envies too the way the sun slows Billy's blood while Dominic's can't stop racing.
It's doing something like that one Saturday evening in Billy's house. Beside Dominic, Billy looks tired but happy, and Dominic's mind works wildly, building up courage he rarely has to find.
"Did you want to stay in?" Dominic hears himself say, and hours and bottles later Dominic's straddling Billy, the victor in some silly, wrestled battle, blood racing again.
"Are we going to do this?" Billy asks suddenly, just throws it out between them. "Because we're going t'need a lot more beer."
"This'll only work if you're drunk?"
"Don't be an idiot. I'm thinking after, when it's more like what the fuck have we done."
"It won't be," Dominic says, more fervently than he ever has his lines. "It'll be okay, even if it's not." He watches Billy work through a different kind of terror, and then moves closer. It's not always about technique, Dominic thinks as his hands slide warm inside Billy's shirt; sometimes it's about just jumping in.
2001
Cannes is a completely bizarre experience, one for which none of them is prepared, not even Elijah, and while Billy supposes that should comfort him somewhat, it frankly doesn't. He's not much interested in wining or dining his way across the parties to which they're all invited during their short stay--a fact that makes Dominic's eyebrows rise a full inch before he shrugs and makes a happy point to enjoy the offered refreshments on Billy's behalf and his own--and he feels wildly out of place until the evening screening that finally shows the world some of the hard, tremendous work they've done and hints at what they're still doing.
Just watching it exhausts Billy, as if he's enduring the cave troll shoot again and remembering all of them taking the many unintended sword hits as well as the blows they'd expected. Beside him, Dominic winces and then slumps in his seat as if lost in weird memory, too, until the lights come up and the applause encourages every pair of Fellowship shoulders present to relax, every bruised Fellowship body to forget its aches.
"That was brilliant," Dominic says later as he squirms out of his suit and then marches past the slower-moving Billy to open the hotel room window, leaning out to catch the night breeze. "And it's going t'get better. You heard them, Bill; it's going to get louder, too."
"We're not even finished yet," Billy huffs as he falls to his back on the mattress. "The film's not even out."
"Doesn't matter," Dominic says with a warm if brutal certainty, not even looking back at Billy. Billy watches him stare down the stars for a moment before Dominic nods firmly and a corner of his mouth rises just a little bit smugly. "After that, we know we're in."
2002
It's in the light from that small, pitbound fire they've set the second night in Penrith that Dominic catches Billy's eyes and sees for the first time how Billy's aged--well, but more than Dominic had expected, but also beautifully, exactly how Dominic had known he would.
After the fire's gone out, taking with it to its rest Elijah and two other friends who'd held up well that night, Dominic pulls Billy out of his quiet contemplation of ashes and embers and into bed, where Billy proves to have aged not one bit, and lights an excellent fire of his own.
2003
Filming pickups allows Dominic and Billy opportunities to move forward and back again; every application of dirt on their skin offers another chance to wash it off with everything else they've taken in outside this comfort zone. Forgiveness is a commodity, but they trade it well.
"Something for the road," Dominic smirks before they separate on the last day, handing Billy a package and a note. Much later, Billy opens both and gasps for laughing breath, wondering what he's going to do with a pound of ground cinnamon, for all the porridge I'll never have to watch you eat again.
2004
The music stopped some time ago, but the drinks hadn't, and the results of that steady stream blurs the steps Dominic and Billy take into the depths of the American Legion Hall, refusing congratulatory hugs on their way to a more intimate celebration of their own.
Billy had been a complete dick all day, but he's more than made up for it since, begging messy forgiveness from Dominic for having missed his karaoke gone mad, and nearly knocking Dominic off his feet in a messier press of lips and hands once he'd received it. A part of Dominic knows this is a mistake waiting to happen, but it won't be their first or last.
They've been spoiling for a fight, Dominic knows that, too; Billy's grown impatient with Dominic's inability to get his shit together, but there are things on the horizon that Dominic can't wait to tell Billy about, after they close this chapter properly, sweatily well, wrinkling their suits irredeemably and leaving them both breathless and just on the right side of a little sick.
Not even when his mouth's around Billy's cock and Billy's fingers are tearing through his hair does Dominic think they're crossing some line; not even when his own fingers are scratching at the dirty wall while Billy shoves inside him does Dominic wonder what they're really here for. And afterward, when they're both leaning against that wall and trying not to laugh or lunge at each other again, Dominic can't imagine what damage they could have done better or worse. There's no mistake when you can have a laugh after, no danger in the kiss Billy takes from him once they're back on their feet. The fight that's been brewing can brew some more, Dominic decides; in so many ways he's already won.
2005
Days before Billy's first real, more than a dirty weekend, visit to Hawaii, Dominic pulls out most if not all the stops: he gets the house and car cleaned properly, books tables at restaurants that are good with both the food and what constitutes paparazzi here, stocks the fridge with decent beer and reminds himself not to have at it, and rehearses the statements he wants to make to Billy, statements that will make clear how much better he feels here, how much more fun he's having, how little he misses Los Angeles, and how this really was the new beginning he needed.
Midway through the ride home from the airport, though, Dominic's said all of those things and more, and felt the genuine warmth of Billy's reply that he knows, that he gets it, and that they're good. Dominic breathes easier, and the first days go like a dream, hours passing first in sun and surf, and then under what Billy calls the most beautiful moon he's ever seen. Dominic feels a mixture of pride and protectiveness concerning the island and Billy, too; their proper introductions to each other are important, and when they go well, it's as if all Dominic's bad decisions of the last few years have been trumped soundly by this tremendously good one.
Some time after Billy's fallen asleep on the fourth night, Dominic crawls out of bed and wanders outside, bare feet sinking into grass as he stares up at that moon. Under its glare he suddenly believes everything he's been telling everyone else, and the shock of it keeps him where he stands until Billy finds him nearly an hour later and drags Dominic back inside and to bed, promising both a long lie-in and to never say I told you so.
2006
Jack's christening goes off perfectly. Billy's surrounded by those he loves, and he keeps them close until their lives demand more than another toast in a baby's honour.
Billy's thunderstruck by how Jack's altered his life, but not irrevocably. There is space for everyone, Billy tells himself, including the one who sits with Billy afterward, sharing drink after silent drink. Dominic breaks first, reminding Billy that not everything has to change along with nappies and arrangements of furniture. Billy believes him, and their last shared drink is a toast to themselves, to who they were and are and will be.
2007
Billy's delighted that Dominic's arrived in Scotland in time to see the rugby and Beecake as well as Jack and Billy, both between naps. Dominic explains patiently that that's always been the idea, and Billy has the grace to nod and laugh.
That Billy still doesn't understand his affection is a source of constant amusement. "When d'you think you'll come around to it?" Dominic asks him after the gig, and Billy sighs and shrugs, "When I see it myself. I feel it when you're around, Dom, but--" Billy pauses and throws his weakest hand. "I need to see it, too."
2008
Ten steps inside Hamilton-Selway, it's obvious that Dominic's called Billy's bluff: if Billy can't see what Dominic feels in the pictures that concern them most, he's earned more than the stare Dominic shot his way the year before.
"I'm still in love with you, in case that's not clear," Dominic says as they gaze at the Penrith firepit photograph. "It'll be okay, even if it's not. I mean, we've been through worse, yeah?"
Billy nods, grateful that Dominic's arranged this walk-through before the opening. "It's okay," Billy says. "I sort of need you to be, because you--can give it enough for both of us, like."
"That's probably the most honest thing you've said to me this year," Dominic laughs. "I get what you mean, but I think we have different ideas of what's enough."
"We always do," Billy says. "We're speaking the same language, though. It's about context."
Dominic steps closer. "What kind of context do you need to make this work for you?"
Billy hasn't got pretty words or pictures; all he has is another chance to fall upon Dominic with the same curiosity that's never been sated or shut down enough for Billy to manage a proper relationship with Dominic or to run away from the idea of it.
"Are we going to keep doing this?" Dominic murmurs between kisses, and Billy laughs.
"If you tell me you're going t'need a lot more beer, I'll kick--"
"The fuck out of me, yeah. Answer the question."
"Yes," Billy nods. "I might still be in love with you, too. We'd better find out for sure."
Hours later in the darkness of Dominic's bedroom, Dominic tells Billy that if he'd known how things would turn out, he would've started taking a hell of a lot more pictures, and possibly never stopped.
2009
Three episodes into its run, Dominic knows FlashForward is doomed, and while he can't find the energy to feel hurt or angry, there is still the bite of disappointment, and that, combined with other recent personal and small professional disasters, leads Dominic down paths he thought he was finished taking, retracing his steps around Los Angeles looking for another plot to lose.
It's not Billy's place to call him on this, and they both know it, but call Dominic he does, more easily than he had during the worst of those first few California years, from the back of the dingy van Beecake's rented for their tour. Dominic changes the subject on Billy more than once, even getting from him the odd anecdote or two about how Billy's actually had to perform manual labour, god help him, shifting his own gear and such between getting lost on random small city streets and even pulling duty behind the wheel, but Billy never really gives and forgets the real reason they're talking this time. "Get back to work," Billy tells Dominic sharply, then tempers it as only he can, a smile in his still-firm voice. "Get back to where you once belonged."
2010
Sunshine on Leith's last performance finds Billy energized but tired, too. Breathing new life into old songs had been brilliant, but now he's ready for different work and his own bed.
Dominic's backstage afterward, having brought with him balmy weather. Force of nature, Billy remembers as Dominic calls him one brave bastard. Their embrace feels like home again to Billy, warm as every storm they've survived.
"What's next?" Dominic asks, and Billy explains that for a decade he's gone where the wind's taken him; why stop now? With any luck, he tells Dominic, they'll both be along for the ride.
Title: Rather Chase Your Shadow All My Life (Than Be Afraid Of My Own)
Rating: R-ish?
Summary: Ten years in the mutual life.
1999
Dominic's a force of nature, Billy's decided by one week into their friendship, and that decision isn't solely based on the fact that the weather's gone slightly mad since his arrival. No, it's that Dominic changes more than the physical temperature of any space he occupies; even as he antagonizes cast and crew alike delightfully, a warmth radiates from him, and he feels like home to Billy, no matter that he's never known anyone like the kid.
Billy could use a change in his weather, though, and can't believe that in Dominic he's found the perfect storm to ride out.
2000
It's only to Dominic's surprise that Billy turns out to be the best surfer. Dominic envies Billy's technique and willingness to work through his terror; he envies too the way the sun slows Billy's blood while Dominic's can't stop racing.
It's doing something like that one Saturday evening in Billy's house. Beside Dominic, Billy looks tired but happy, and Dominic's mind works wildly, building up courage he rarely has to find.
"Did you want to stay in?" Dominic hears himself say, and hours and bottles later Dominic's straddling Billy, the victor in some silly, wrestled battle, blood racing again.
"Are we going to do this?" Billy asks suddenly, just throws it out between them. "Because we're going t'need a lot more beer."
"This'll only work if you're drunk?"
"Don't be an idiot. I'm thinking after, when it's more like what the fuck have we done."
"It won't be," Dominic says, more fervently than he ever has his lines. "It'll be okay, even if it's not." He watches Billy work through a different kind of terror, and then moves closer. It's not always about technique, Dominic thinks as his hands slide warm inside Billy's shirt; sometimes it's about just jumping in.
2001
Cannes is a completely bizarre experience, one for which none of them is prepared, not even Elijah, and while Billy supposes that should comfort him somewhat, it frankly doesn't. He's not much interested in wining or dining his way across the parties to which they're all invited during their short stay--a fact that makes Dominic's eyebrows rise a full inch before he shrugs and makes a happy point to enjoy the offered refreshments on Billy's behalf and his own--and he feels wildly out of place until the evening screening that finally shows the world some of the hard, tremendous work they've done and hints at what they're still doing.
Just watching it exhausts Billy, as if he's enduring the cave troll shoot again and remembering all of them taking the many unintended sword hits as well as the blows they'd expected. Beside him, Dominic winces and then slumps in his seat as if lost in weird memory, too, until the lights come up and the applause encourages every pair of Fellowship shoulders present to relax, every bruised Fellowship body to forget its aches.
"That was brilliant," Dominic says later as he squirms out of his suit and then marches past the slower-moving Billy to open the hotel room window, leaning out to catch the night breeze. "And it's going t'get better. You heard them, Bill; it's going to get louder, too."
"We're not even finished yet," Billy huffs as he falls to his back on the mattress. "The film's not even out."
"Doesn't matter," Dominic says with a warm if brutal certainty, not even looking back at Billy. Billy watches him stare down the stars for a moment before Dominic nods firmly and a corner of his mouth rises just a little bit smugly. "After that, we know we're in."
2002
It's in the light from that small, pitbound fire they've set the second night in Penrith that Dominic catches Billy's eyes and sees for the first time how Billy's aged--well, but more than Dominic had expected, but also beautifully, exactly how Dominic had known he would.
After the fire's gone out, taking with it to its rest Elijah and two other friends who'd held up well that night, Dominic pulls Billy out of his quiet contemplation of ashes and embers and into bed, where Billy proves to have aged not one bit, and lights an excellent fire of his own.
2003
Filming pickups allows Dominic and Billy opportunities to move forward and back again; every application of dirt on their skin offers another chance to wash it off with everything else they've taken in outside this comfort zone. Forgiveness is a commodity, but they trade it well.
"Something for the road," Dominic smirks before they separate on the last day, handing Billy a package and a note. Much later, Billy opens both and gasps for laughing breath, wondering what he's going to do with a pound of ground cinnamon, for all the porridge I'll never have to watch you eat again.
2004
The music stopped some time ago, but the drinks hadn't, and the results of that steady stream blurs the steps Dominic and Billy take into the depths of the American Legion Hall, refusing congratulatory hugs on their way to a more intimate celebration of their own.
Billy had been a complete dick all day, but he's more than made up for it since, begging messy forgiveness from Dominic for having missed his karaoke gone mad, and nearly knocking Dominic off his feet in a messier press of lips and hands once he'd received it. A part of Dominic knows this is a mistake waiting to happen, but it won't be their first or last.
They've been spoiling for a fight, Dominic knows that, too; Billy's grown impatient with Dominic's inability to get his shit together, but there are things on the horizon that Dominic can't wait to tell Billy about, after they close this chapter properly, sweatily well, wrinkling their suits irredeemably and leaving them both breathless and just on the right side of a little sick.
Not even when his mouth's around Billy's cock and Billy's fingers are tearing through his hair does Dominic think they're crossing some line; not even when his own fingers are scratching at the dirty wall while Billy shoves inside him does Dominic wonder what they're really here for. And afterward, when they're both leaning against that wall and trying not to laugh or lunge at each other again, Dominic can't imagine what damage they could have done better or worse. There's no mistake when you can have a laugh after, no danger in the kiss Billy takes from him once they're back on their feet. The fight that's been brewing can brew some more, Dominic decides; in so many ways he's already won.
2005
Days before Billy's first real, more than a dirty weekend, visit to Hawaii, Dominic pulls out most if not all the stops: he gets the house and car cleaned properly, books tables at restaurants that are good with both the food and what constitutes paparazzi here, stocks the fridge with decent beer and reminds himself not to have at it, and rehearses the statements he wants to make to Billy, statements that will make clear how much better he feels here, how much more fun he's having, how little he misses Los Angeles, and how this really was the new beginning he needed.
Midway through the ride home from the airport, though, Dominic's said all of those things and more, and felt the genuine warmth of Billy's reply that he knows, that he gets it, and that they're good. Dominic breathes easier, and the first days go like a dream, hours passing first in sun and surf, and then under what Billy calls the most beautiful moon he's ever seen. Dominic feels a mixture of pride and protectiveness concerning the island and Billy, too; their proper introductions to each other are important, and when they go well, it's as if all Dominic's bad decisions of the last few years have been trumped soundly by this tremendously good one.
Some time after Billy's fallen asleep on the fourth night, Dominic crawls out of bed and wanders outside, bare feet sinking into grass as he stares up at that moon. Under its glare he suddenly believes everything he's been telling everyone else, and the shock of it keeps him where he stands until Billy finds him nearly an hour later and drags Dominic back inside and to bed, promising both a long lie-in and to never say I told you so.
2006
Jack's christening goes off perfectly. Billy's surrounded by those he loves, and he keeps them close until their lives demand more than another toast in a baby's honour.
Billy's thunderstruck by how Jack's altered his life, but not irrevocably. There is space for everyone, Billy tells himself, including the one who sits with Billy afterward, sharing drink after silent drink. Dominic breaks first, reminding Billy that not everything has to change along with nappies and arrangements of furniture. Billy believes him, and their last shared drink is a toast to themselves, to who they were and are and will be.
2007
Billy's delighted that Dominic's arrived in Scotland in time to see the rugby and Beecake as well as Jack and Billy, both between naps. Dominic explains patiently that that's always been the idea, and Billy has the grace to nod and laugh.
That Billy still doesn't understand his affection is a source of constant amusement. "When d'you think you'll come around to it?" Dominic asks him after the gig, and Billy sighs and shrugs, "When I see it myself. I feel it when you're around, Dom, but--" Billy pauses and throws his weakest hand. "I need to see it, too."
2008
Ten steps inside Hamilton-Selway, it's obvious that Dominic's called Billy's bluff: if Billy can't see what Dominic feels in the pictures that concern them most, he's earned more than the stare Dominic shot his way the year before.
"I'm still in love with you, in case that's not clear," Dominic says as they gaze at the Penrith firepit photograph. "It'll be okay, even if it's not. I mean, we've been through worse, yeah?"
Billy nods, grateful that Dominic's arranged this walk-through before the opening. "It's okay," Billy says. "I sort of need you to be, because you--can give it enough for both of us, like."
"That's probably the most honest thing you've said to me this year," Dominic laughs. "I get what you mean, but I think we have different ideas of what's enough."
"We always do," Billy says. "We're speaking the same language, though. It's about context."
Dominic steps closer. "What kind of context do you need to make this work for you?"
Billy hasn't got pretty words or pictures; all he has is another chance to fall upon Dominic with the same curiosity that's never been sated or shut down enough for Billy to manage a proper relationship with Dominic or to run away from the idea of it.
"Are we going to keep doing this?" Dominic murmurs between kisses, and Billy laughs.
"If you tell me you're going t'need a lot more beer, I'll kick--"
"The fuck out of me, yeah. Answer the question."
"Yes," Billy nods. "I might still be in love with you, too. We'd better find out for sure."
Hours later in the darkness of Dominic's bedroom, Dominic tells Billy that if he'd known how things would turn out, he would've started taking a hell of a lot more pictures, and possibly never stopped.
2009
Three episodes into its run, Dominic knows FlashForward is doomed, and while he can't find the energy to feel hurt or angry, there is still the bite of disappointment, and that, combined with other recent personal and small professional disasters, leads Dominic down paths he thought he was finished taking, retracing his steps around Los Angeles looking for another plot to lose.
It's not Billy's place to call him on this, and they both know it, but call Dominic he does, more easily than he had during the worst of those first few California years, from the back of the dingy van Beecake's rented for their tour. Dominic changes the subject on Billy more than once, even getting from him the odd anecdote or two about how Billy's actually had to perform manual labour, god help him, shifting his own gear and such between getting lost on random small city streets and even pulling duty behind the wheel, but Billy never really gives and forgets the real reason they're talking this time. "Get back to work," Billy tells Dominic sharply, then tempers it as only he can, a smile in his still-firm voice. "Get back to where you once belonged."
2010
Sunshine on Leith's last performance finds Billy energized but tired, too. Breathing new life into old songs had been brilliant, but now he's ready for different work and his own bed.
Dominic's backstage afterward, having brought with him balmy weather. Force of nature, Billy remembers as Dominic calls him one brave bastard. Their embrace feels like home again to Billy, warm as every storm they've survived.
"What's next?" Dominic asks, and Billy explains that for a decade he's gone where the wind's taken him; why stop now? With any luck, he tells Dominic, they'll both be along for the ride.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 03:05 am (UTC)"It won't be," Dominic says, more fervently than he ever has his lines. "It'll be okay, even if it's not."
This—and the repetition of it later—is perfect. I love Dom's unerring faith that he and Billy'll be in each other's lives in some form forever, especially so early on. It feels right.
And the progression of the whole story in general. It's nostalgic and hopeful and beautifully understated. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 05:05 am (UTC)How right that is.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 05:34 am (UTC)Get back to work," Billy tells Dominic sharply, then tempers it as only he can, a smile in his still-firm voice. "Get back to where you once belonged."
I would like to think of Billy saying just this and Dom taking it to heart just as I hope he is right now.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 01:43 pm (UTC)I like them all in their own way but I think I like 2008 the best. It's sweet and sad and mature all at the same time. I love everything about it.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 04:58 pm (UTC)I love this, Kiltie. Madly.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 06:27 pm (UTC)That's it, right there, for me.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-12 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-15 03:46 am (UTC)Billy believes him, and their last shared drink is a toast to themselves, to who they were and are and will be.
Here's to the next 10 years.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-18 06:51 pm (UTC)"That's probably the most honest thing you've said to me this year," Dominic laughs. "I get what you mean, but I think we have different ideas of what's enough."
This bit is just so precious. Thanks for sharing this fic, bb.