Fic: Bigger Than the Both of Us
Apr. 8th, 2008 02:36 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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monaboyd_monthBigger Than the Both of Us (3/3)
Rated NC-17
Billy/Dom
Notes: AU. Dom is 17. That is not underage, but if that strikes you as too young to be in a consensual sexual relationship then consider yourself warned.
Thanks so, so much to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vensre for the incredible fast and thorough beta read. You are an absolute angel. This fic began over a year ago in an im with maverick0324, and wouldn't have ever left that conversation if not for her encouragement and addiction to pretty boys doing dirty things.
Continues from here.
The pizza is still warm by the time they get back to Billy’s. It’s almost noon, and Dom’s stomach rumbles so that Billy lets him sneak a piece in the car on the way.
The bag stays on the kitchen counter for the time being. Dom can’t stop glancing over at it, and playing with his cuff.
“Thanks for this,” Dom says, looking down at it. He holds his wrist up and shows it off. “I really like it.”
Billy tugs at a strand of cheese that won’t pull apart from the rest of the pizza. “It looks good on you.”
“Don’t think I’ll ever take it off. Except when I shower.” Dom says. He finishes off a fourth piece of pizza and then sits back, watching Billy eat.
It makes Billy uncomfortable to be studied so intently. Billy makes faces and shows off his half chewed bite.
“I think I’ll take a shower now,” Dom announces, standing up. “I feel kind of manky.”
”Smell it, too,” Billy teases, and Dom flips him off.
**
Billy means to put up the other stuff they’ve bought, but the most logical place would be the loo and he won’t barge in on Dom (even though Dom probably wouldn’t mind).
He finds other things to do – put the cushions back on the couch, wash up the dishes in the sink. He’s about to take the rubbish outside when there’s a knock on the door.
He doesn’t think much of it. Sometimes the postman will bring his mail up, if there’s an envelope too large for the box. When he opens the door, there’s no postman standing there – it’s Matt.
“Hey, mate,” Matt says, pushing past him. “Thought I’d drop in.”
“What are you doing here?” Billy says, trying to stifle the panicked edge to his voice.
Matt picks up on it, and gives him a funny look – quirked lips and a raised eyebrow. It’s so like Dom that Billy gets even more flustered. “Visiting,” Matt enunciates. “That thing that people do when there are other people that they’re friends with and haven’t seen in a while.”
“Oh.” Billy says, glancing at the half-open door. “Well, actually.”
Matt cocks his head to the side. “Is that the shower? Do you have someone here?” He crows.
Billy’s mouth drops open. “Yes, actually. And if you don’t mind-“
“Is this him? Is it the one you were telling me about a few weeks ago? I’ve been wanting to ask you about him, but I didn’t want to be nosy. Is he like, living with you now? Is that why you haven’t been around much?” Matt asks, sitting on Billy’s sofa. “Oh, don’t worry. I won’t stay long.”
The water stops running. Billy grabs Matt’s arm and drags him back up to his feet. “I think you ought to go now. He’s shy about us.”
Matt shrugs him off. “Come on, Bills. I want to meet him.”
”What if he comes out starkers?” Billy pleads. “Come on. I’ll ring you later.”
“Nothing I haven’t ever seen before. If I let you off the hook now, you’ll never come clean. I know you. Hooked up, dated for four months, and then broke up all without me ever meeting the last one.”
“I promise I’ll-“ Billy starts, and that’s all he gets out before Dom is walking into the room. He’s wearing shorts (Billy’s) and toweling off his hair.
Matt’s eyes go incredibly wide.
Dom’s reaction is almost as comical. His jaw and the towel drop at the same rate. “Matt?”
Matt’s eyes swing to Billy, then back to Dom. “What’s he doing here? What’s going on? Did you have a fight with Mum and Dad?”
”No.” Dom says. “I’m just. I’m.”
Billy feels like dropping dead away. “Look, Matt-“
“I don’t understand,” Matt says, but clearly he does. “Billy, why is my little brother naked in your flat?”
“Matt…” Billy sits down and covers his face with his hands. His mind is racing, trying to find an excuse, something to say, anything so Matt won’t know.
“Billy and I are dating.”
“Bugger.” That’s Billy, not Matt. Matt’s reaction is almost anti-climatic. He looks as though he hasn’t even heard Dom.
“Go get dressed,” Matt says, to Dom. Dom looks at Billy, and Billy nods.
Matt turns to Billy and whispers a low, urgent, “What the fuck?”
“It’s true.” Billy looks away. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now.”
“A few weeks? Like, two or three?”
“Five or six.” Billy admits. “He’s-“
“Naked in your flat. My little brother is naked in your flat. What the fuck? He’s just a kid, Billy.”
“He’s eighteen in a week.” Billy points out. “He’s not that young. He knows what he wants.”
“Jesus.” Matt is still looking back and forth between Billy and the doorway.
“I did say no, to begin with. But it’s not that easy.” Billy wishes he had a speech prepared for this. He hasn’t really let himself think of it. What will he do if Matt wants him to end it? What will he do if Matt tells Austin and Aureen? He feels ill at the idea of being outcast from all of them. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Tell me why him.”
“Because.” Billy is flustered, can’t find the words. “Because I.”
“Leave him alone, Matt.” Dom emerges from Billy’s bedroom dressed in track pants and a t-shirt. He sits beside Billy, taking his hand defiantly. “I talked him into it. I’m in love with him.”
Billy blanches to hear Dom say those words aloud. He’s hard them once before, in the message Dom left for them, but Dom hasn’t repeated them since.
“You don’t know-“
“What? I don’t know what love feels like? I’m not old enough? I’m almost eighteen, that’s fucking stupid. Teenagers are capable of love.”
“I know what you think you feel, but I don’t understand why you can’t be with someone your own age.”
“He asked me that a million times,” Dom said, nodding in Billy’s direction. “But it’s not like I can just stop feeling this way. I’ve wanted Billy for years. And he wants me, too, finally. It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. Don’t tell me I’m too young. You were shagging your girlfriends when you were fifteen. ”
"Shagging?” Matt suddenly looks almost nauseous. He glares daggers at Billy. “Mum and Dad don’t know, do they?”
“No.” Dom answers.
“They don’t know you’re here now? Aren’t they worried?”
“They think I’m staying with a friend this weekend.”
“Are you insane? That’ll never work.”
“Yes, it will.” Dom stands up, glaring at Matt.
“No, it won’t.”
“The only way it won’t is if you tell them.”
“Christ.” Matt swears, looking back at Billy again. “Do you expect me to be okay with this?”
Billy opens his mouth, but still can’t find a voice. He shrugs, and looks away.
“Christ.” Matt says again. He sounds disgusted. That feeling of wanting to throw up comes ratcheting back into Billy’s gut. “I can’t stand here and listen to this.”
“Matt-“ Dom says, grabbing his brother’s arm. “Don’t tell Mum and Dad, okay? I will. Just not this weekend. Give me a few days.”
“Fine.” Matt jerks his arm back and leaves.
**
In the aftermath, there is silence. Billy disappears into the bedroom, needing a few moments to himself. He isn’t sure what Dom is doing out there until he hears the kettle whistle.
The door creaks open, and Dom comes in holding two cups. Billy takes one gratefully. “Thanks,” he says. He meets Dom’s eyes and smiles.
Dom lets out a sigh of relief and sits beside Billy on the bed, taking both of their cups and relocating them to the table. In no danger of being splashed with hot water, he curls into Billy’s side like a leech. “That was awful.”
“Mmm,” Billy agrees with a murmur. “Pretty bad.”
Dom kisses Billy’s shoulder. “Worse than I thought.”
“Can’t imagine how it could have been much worse.”
“He could have rung Mum and Dad then and told them.”
“True.”
“Could have found the lube and condoms on the counter.”
Billy sits up, staring at Dom. “Fuck.”
“I put them away,” Dom says. “In the loo.”
Billy lays back down, pulling Dom to him again. “That’s good. Good that he didn’t see them.”
**
Billy feels both overwhelmed and under whelmed at the same time. Matt knows. Matt knows. Matt knows. He feels Dom move and turn against him, and they lay like that for a while, Billy’s back to Dom’s front. Dom’s breathing goes so slow and steady that Billy wonders if he’s fallen asleep. He stares at the back of Dom’s neck.
Matt is his best friend, closer than a brother. He cannot imagine his life without Matt – past, present, or future. His life is so closely entwined with Matt’s that it is impossible to even try. He wants to be the best man at Matt’s wedding. He wants to be like an uncle to Matt’s kids. He wants Matt by his side no matter what he’s doing. Matt’s been angry with Billy, and Billy’s been angry with Matt, but there’s never been any question that they’d get past it. Now he wonders. He presses his nose into Dom’s hair and kisses his neck gently, and wonders if this is what will be too much.
He should tell Dom now, warn him that if Matt wants it over, it will be over. Maybe if he went ahead and did it, the damage would be minimal. Would that even help?
Could he even do it?
As much as Matt is a brother to him, Dom is becoming something else. Matt is reliable and comforting, but Dom is twisting his way so deep into Billy that to fully confront it makes him queasy and short of breath.
Maybe he’s falling in love with Dom.
Maybe he’s already in love with Dom.
Maybe Dom’s really the smarter of the two, knowing what he wants and going after it full thrust. Billy’s such a coward. He’s a coward for the way he’s gone about this, not being up front with Matt. He’s a coward for his thoughts not a full minute ago, for thinking that to break up with Dom would solve it.
Matt might forgive him, in time, but Dom wouldn’t.
These are all thoughts that Billy’s had before, but with each day he spends with Dom it’s harder to reconcile himself to it. The idea that this could work, he and Dom, has become something of a daydream for him. They exist (existed) in their own little bubble, apart from the rest of the world.
**
Billy realizes that Dom is not asleep at all, just being very still. He slides an arm over Dom, flattening his palm against Dom’s stomach. Dom sucks in a breath.
“You’re not going to make me go home tonight, are you?” Dom asks.
“No.” He wants to say more, to explain why, but he doesn’t have the words at that moment.
“Okay.” Dom straightens out to lay on his back. He is more closed off to Billy than he has ever been, and it twinges at Billy’s heart. He wants to know what Dom is thinking, but hasn’t the nerve to ask. It’s easier to just close his eyes and count the seconds as they go by until he’s drifted off to sleep.
**
He wakes up an hour later. His heart is throbbing and his mouth feels like cotton, dry and rough. “Dom?” he says, but his voice is rough and barely louder than a whisper.
He sits up. His head hurts. The tea cup is still on the dresser, three-fourths full. He picks it up and takes it into the kitchen. Dom is sitting on the couch watching television, his feet curled underneath him.
Billy walks in front of him, then takes the remote and turns the television off. He leans over Dom and puts his hand on Dom’s chin, tilting Dom’s face up to him, and kisses him hungrily. Dom is wordless, but not motionless; his arms come around Billy and his back arches to get closer. “Billy-“
“Come on,” Billy says gruffly. He pushes Dom toward the bedroom. When Dom starts to lay down, Billy stops him. “Let me, first.”
He pulls Dom’s shirt over his head, and then pushes the trackies down. Dom’s hard already in anticipation of Billy touching him, and Billy doesn’t disappoint. He strokes Dom with a sure grip. Dom tries to look collected, but his face slips into a pleased slackness as he grows harder; the tip of his cock emerges from his foreskin, flushed bright pink.
“You’ll lay down, while I get the stuff,” Billy instructs. He leaves Dom for only as long as it takes to locate the lube and a condom. He does not take notice of which kind he gets, but later realises that it is vanilla flavoured.
Dom is less nervous than horny, this time. When Billy walks into the room, Dom’s thighs fall apart. He’s already wanking, and his knees are bent so that he’s hiding nothing. Billy wants to watch, but he wants more to have so he doesn’t falter in moving forward. He spills lube onto his fingers and kneels between Dom’s legs. Dom is watching him, but neither of them speak until two of Billy’s fingers are in Dom to the first knuckle and Dom’s squeezing his cock hard.
“All right?” Billy asks, looking up. “I’m going to try three. Let me know if it hurts too much.”
Dom bites his lip, but says nothing until Billy thinks he’s prepared enough.
He watches intently while Billy puts on the condom. “Looks bigger when I think about it being in me.”
Billy laughs, shaking his head. “Should I take that as a compliment?”
Dom’s grin turns wolfish. “Course you should.”
He slicks himself up, and wipes his fingers on the sheets. If this goes right, they’ll need to be cleaned anyway. “We can do it like this, but it might hurt more.”
“How else- on my knees, you mean?” Dom says, frowning. “I’d rather this.”
Billy would, too, but he didn’t want to make the decision for them. He is hard enough already from the erotic nature of what he’s been doing and from putting on the condom. He lines himself up and pushes in, moving marginally forward.
He groans and slumps forward, his forehead resting against Dom’s chest. His face is damp and his thighs are beginning to ache from how tightly coiled he is. Every bit of him is waiting for Dom to relax or move.
“Now,” Dom says, finally. Billy looks up, as if he has to see into Dom’s eyes to really believe him. He rocks back and forth at first, then withdraws completely. His eyes practically roll back into his head at how good it feels. He thrusts slowly, then faster. Dom starts to move, too, his hand migrating down to his cock. “That feels. Good.”
“Surprised?” Billy asks, grinning. “You may not think so when you’re sore as fuck tomorrow.”
Dom writhes against him “Oh- shit, shit. There. Do that again.”
Billy stops and resituates himself, angling so he’s hitting Dom’s prostate. He starts pausing between thrusts so he can grind.
“Fuck, fuck,” Dom keens. He starts wanking himself, but Billy pushes his hand away and takes Dom’s cock himself. He uses slow, steady pulls… the faster Dom wants him to go, the slower Billy makes it. The unpredictability of Billy’s wanking combined with the short bursts of electricity from the fucking make Dom wild, twisting and bucking and swearing. Eventually the string of words dies down to just Billy’s name and the random curse as he sweats and groans. “I think… I’m gonna come…”
Billy thrust in hard, his own head tilting back. He grunts and reaches down between them with his free hand, circling the base of his cock with a tight grip so he doesn’t come. Dom hardly even notices. His cock is twitching, thick strings of come spurting into the air and then falling onto his stomach. Dom is still struggling to get every bit of sensation from it, grinding down against Billy until he falls back, breathing hard.
Dom is like a rag doll now in Billy’s arms. Billy starts moving in and out more quickly, setting aside his desire to be a good lover now that Dom has come. His fingers dig into Dom’s hips, not enough to bruise but enough that he can keep Dom from going anywhere. He’s moving in short little jabs now, and when he starts to come he holds himself still and drops his head down, chin against his chest as he pants.
“Christ.” Billy can’t bring himself to move for a few moments. He pulls out gingerly and peels the condom off, making a face. “You all right?”
“Brilliant,” Dom smiles dreamily, turning to him. The come on Dom’s stomach is sticky but Billy pays it no mind and pulls Dom to lay half on top of him. They can bathe soon. There’s no hurry.
**
Matt does not tell his parents, that day or the next. Dom goes home Sunday evening full of trepidation, but rings Billy shortly to tell him that it’s all well.
Billy is relieved. He’s more relieved when Dom comes over one night with applications to university. He is relieved because this seems something that will make it better. He won’t be shagging a teenager, someone still doing his A-levels. He’ll be shagging a university student. He’s cheerful that whole night, and he fucks Dom slowly and sweetly.
Dom wants to get a degree in wildlife studies, or marine biology. He spreads the computer printouts across Billy’s mattress and they sit up with the duvet across their legs and sort through them. He tells Billy that he likes history, too, but he isn’t sure he’d have the patience to do anything in life with a degree in history. He doesn’t want to teach and the idea of doing research for years and years is unappealing.
Billy encourages him to pursue something he likes. He speaks from experience, having decided that earning money was more important than pursuing a real career. He’s not sure what his life would be like if he had gone to university, so he can’t really say that he’d be better off, but he does not want for Dom the life he’s created for himself. Working in a factory, supporting his grandmother and saving for the day when he’ll be able to afford a middle-class life.
**
Two weeks later, Matt stops by the factory. It’s not Billy’s regular lunch hour, but he speaks with a supervisor and gets permission to leave.
They walk to a nearby fish and chips shop, and find a booth in the back.
“I don’t like that you’re dating my brother,” Matt says bluntly “It’s weird, and it’s creepy.”
Billy isn’t sure if he’s supposed to respond or not. He finally says, “I’m sorry for that.”
“He keeps telling me that he’s in love with you. Is it…” Matt looks acutely uncomfortable. It’s a feeling that Billy sympathizes with wholeheartedly. “Is it mutual?”
“Yeah.” Billy looks down at his plate, even though his appetite has disappeared in the face of confrontation. “I think so.”
“He’s eighteen. I can’t do anything about it. And even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.” Matt states, his voice softening marginally. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
”You could tell people.” Billy looks up at him. “That’s what you could do. You could tell your parents, or Margaret.”
“Margaret doesn’t know?” Matt looks surprised.
Billy remembers, suddenly, the crush that Matt used to have on Margaret. He almost smiles, but takes a drink of his soda instead. “No, she doesn’t. I’ll tell her soon, but… I haven’t yet.”
Matt starts to eat, so Billy does, too. For a few minutes, they are silent.
“So what are you going to do when he leaves?” Matt wipes his greasy fingers on a napkin.
“Leaves?” Billy questions.
“University. He’s applying to a few.”
Billy remembers all of the papers and booklets. “Yeah. He’s told me.”
”Well, he’ll get accepted into one of them. His marks are pretty high, considering how much time he spends pissing off with his mates. Or you.” Matt pops a chip into his mouth. “I was home for dinner last night. He talked about Oxford a lot.”
"Right..." Billy pushes his food away and wipes his mouth on a napkin. Suddenly, he's not quite so hungry.
*
"It'll be fine," Dom says. They're in bed, facing each other with the covers draped lazily around them. "We'll phone, and I'll be home most weekends and when I'm not you can come visit me."
It's strange, this bit of role reversal. Billy's not uttered a single word to Dom about his concern for their future, but apparently Dom can read it on his face. Or a little birdie that goes by the name of Matthew Monaghan has said something to him.
"It'll be fine." Billy says, finding Dom's shoulder and tugging him in close.
*
Dom's decided on a university. It's not as close as he'd have hoped, but Billy can't help but be proud that Dom didn't base his education on proximity to Billy.
He's excited now. It's all he talks about. He's packing up his things. He'll stay in a dormitory for the first term and after that, maybe find a flatmate.
Billy drives down with him one Saturday. They explore the campus and investigate the old buildings. Billy studies a bulletin board full of handwritten flyers and, when Dom isn't looking, takes a couple of the papers that advertise cheap flats in the area.
He doesn't say anything to Dom. He'll come back in a week or two and see if any of the places are livable. He'll ask his boss if there might be a chance for a factory transfer. Maybe, after that, if they're still doing well then he'll mention it to Dom after his first semester is over.
If it works out, it'll work out. If it doesn't... well, Billy doesn't really want to think about that just now, because for the first time he's pretty sure that it will work.
Rated NC-17
Billy/Dom
Notes: AU. Dom is 17. That is not underage, but if that strikes you as too young to be in a consensual sexual relationship then consider yourself warned.
Thanks so, so much to
vensre for the incredible fast and thorough beta read. You are an absolute angel. This fic began over a year ago in an im with maverick0324, and wouldn't have ever left that conversation if not for her encouragement and addiction to pretty boys doing dirty things. Continues from here.
The pizza is still warm by the time they get back to Billy’s. It’s almost noon, and Dom’s stomach rumbles so that Billy lets him sneak a piece in the car on the way.
The bag stays on the kitchen counter for the time being. Dom can’t stop glancing over at it, and playing with his cuff.
“Thanks for this,” Dom says, looking down at it. He holds his wrist up and shows it off. “I really like it.”
Billy tugs at a strand of cheese that won’t pull apart from the rest of the pizza. “It looks good on you.”
“Don’t think I’ll ever take it off. Except when I shower.” Dom says. He finishes off a fourth piece of pizza and then sits back, watching Billy eat.
It makes Billy uncomfortable to be studied so intently. Billy makes faces and shows off his half chewed bite.
“I think I’ll take a shower now,” Dom announces, standing up. “I feel kind of manky.”
”Smell it, too,” Billy teases, and Dom flips him off.
**
Billy means to put up the other stuff they’ve bought, but the most logical place would be the loo and he won’t barge in on Dom (even though Dom probably wouldn’t mind).
He finds other things to do – put the cushions back on the couch, wash up the dishes in the sink. He’s about to take the rubbish outside when there’s a knock on the door.
He doesn’t think much of it. Sometimes the postman will bring his mail up, if there’s an envelope too large for the box. When he opens the door, there’s no postman standing there – it’s Matt.
“Hey, mate,” Matt says, pushing past him. “Thought I’d drop in.”
“What are you doing here?” Billy says, trying to stifle the panicked edge to his voice.
Matt picks up on it, and gives him a funny look – quirked lips and a raised eyebrow. It’s so like Dom that Billy gets even more flustered. “Visiting,” Matt enunciates. “That thing that people do when there are other people that they’re friends with and haven’t seen in a while.”
“Oh.” Billy says, glancing at the half-open door. “Well, actually.”
Matt cocks his head to the side. “Is that the shower? Do you have someone here?” He crows.
Billy’s mouth drops open. “Yes, actually. And if you don’t mind-“
“Is this him? Is it the one you were telling me about a few weeks ago? I’ve been wanting to ask you about him, but I didn’t want to be nosy. Is he like, living with you now? Is that why you haven’t been around much?” Matt asks, sitting on Billy’s sofa. “Oh, don’t worry. I won’t stay long.”
The water stops running. Billy grabs Matt’s arm and drags him back up to his feet. “I think you ought to go now. He’s shy about us.”
Matt shrugs him off. “Come on, Bills. I want to meet him.”
”What if he comes out starkers?” Billy pleads. “Come on. I’ll ring you later.”
“Nothing I haven’t ever seen before. If I let you off the hook now, you’ll never come clean. I know you. Hooked up, dated for four months, and then broke up all without me ever meeting the last one.”
“I promise I’ll-“ Billy starts, and that’s all he gets out before Dom is walking into the room. He’s wearing shorts (Billy’s) and toweling off his hair.
Matt’s eyes go incredibly wide.
Dom’s reaction is almost as comical. His jaw and the towel drop at the same rate. “Matt?”
Matt’s eyes swing to Billy, then back to Dom. “What’s he doing here? What’s going on? Did you have a fight with Mum and Dad?”
”No.” Dom says. “I’m just. I’m.”
Billy feels like dropping dead away. “Look, Matt-“
“I don’t understand,” Matt says, but clearly he does. “Billy, why is my little brother naked in your flat?”
“Matt…” Billy sits down and covers his face with his hands. His mind is racing, trying to find an excuse, something to say, anything so Matt won’t know.
“Billy and I are dating.”
“Bugger.” That’s Billy, not Matt. Matt’s reaction is almost anti-climatic. He looks as though he hasn’t even heard Dom.
“Go get dressed,” Matt says, to Dom. Dom looks at Billy, and Billy nods.
Matt turns to Billy and whispers a low, urgent, “What the fuck?”
“It’s true.” Billy looks away. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now.”
“A few weeks? Like, two or three?”
“Five or six.” Billy admits. “He’s-“
“Naked in your flat. My little brother is naked in your flat. What the fuck? He’s just a kid, Billy.”
“He’s eighteen in a week.” Billy points out. “He’s not that young. He knows what he wants.”
“Jesus.” Matt is still looking back and forth between Billy and the doorway.
“I did say no, to begin with. But it’s not that easy.” Billy wishes he had a speech prepared for this. He hasn’t really let himself think of it. What will he do if Matt wants him to end it? What will he do if Matt tells Austin and Aureen? He feels ill at the idea of being outcast from all of them. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Tell me why him.”
“Because.” Billy is flustered, can’t find the words. “Because I.”
“Leave him alone, Matt.” Dom emerges from Billy’s bedroom dressed in track pants and a t-shirt. He sits beside Billy, taking his hand defiantly. “I talked him into it. I’m in love with him.”
Billy blanches to hear Dom say those words aloud. He’s hard them once before, in the message Dom left for them, but Dom hasn’t repeated them since.
“You don’t know-“
“What? I don’t know what love feels like? I’m not old enough? I’m almost eighteen, that’s fucking stupid. Teenagers are capable of love.”
“I know what you think you feel, but I don’t understand why you can’t be with someone your own age.”
“He asked me that a million times,” Dom said, nodding in Billy’s direction. “But it’s not like I can just stop feeling this way. I’ve wanted Billy for years. And he wants me, too, finally. It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. Don’t tell me I’m too young. You were shagging your girlfriends when you were fifteen. ”
"Shagging?” Matt suddenly looks almost nauseous. He glares daggers at Billy. “Mum and Dad don’t know, do they?”
“No.” Dom answers.
“They don’t know you’re here now? Aren’t they worried?”
“They think I’m staying with a friend this weekend.”
“Are you insane? That’ll never work.”
“Yes, it will.” Dom stands up, glaring at Matt.
“No, it won’t.”
“The only way it won’t is if you tell them.”
“Christ.” Matt swears, looking back at Billy again. “Do you expect me to be okay with this?”
Billy opens his mouth, but still can’t find a voice. He shrugs, and looks away.
“Christ.” Matt says again. He sounds disgusted. That feeling of wanting to throw up comes ratcheting back into Billy’s gut. “I can’t stand here and listen to this.”
“Matt-“ Dom says, grabbing his brother’s arm. “Don’t tell Mum and Dad, okay? I will. Just not this weekend. Give me a few days.”
“Fine.” Matt jerks his arm back and leaves.
**
In the aftermath, there is silence. Billy disappears into the bedroom, needing a few moments to himself. He isn’t sure what Dom is doing out there until he hears the kettle whistle.
The door creaks open, and Dom comes in holding two cups. Billy takes one gratefully. “Thanks,” he says. He meets Dom’s eyes and smiles.
Dom lets out a sigh of relief and sits beside Billy on the bed, taking both of their cups and relocating them to the table. In no danger of being splashed with hot water, he curls into Billy’s side like a leech. “That was awful.”
“Mmm,” Billy agrees with a murmur. “Pretty bad.”
Dom kisses Billy’s shoulder. “Worse than I thought.”
“Can’t imagine how it could have been much worse.”
“He could have rung Mum and Dad then and told them.”
“True.”
“Could have found the lube and condoms on the counter.”
Billy sits up, staring at Dom. “Fuck.”
“I put them away,” Dom says. “In the loo.”
Billy lays back down, pulling Dom to him again. “That’s good. Good that he didn’t see them.”
**
Billy feels both overwhelmed and under whelmed at the same time. Matt knows. Matt knows. Matt knows. He feels Dom move and turn against him, and they lay like that for a while, Billy’s back to Dom’s front. Dom’s breathing goes so slow and steady that Billy wonders if he’s fallen asleep. He stares at the back of Dom’s neck.
Matt is his best friend, closer than a brother. He cannot imagine his life without Matt – past, present, or future. His life is so closely entwined with Matt’s that it is impossible to even try. He wants to be the best man at Matt’s wedding. He wants to be like an uncle to Matt’s kids. He wants Matt by his side no matter what he’s doing. Matt’s been angry with Billy, and Billy’s been angry with Matt, but there’s never been any question that they’d get past it. Now he wonders. He presses his nose into Dom’s hair and kisses his neck gently, and wonders if this is what will be too much.
He should tell Dom now, warn him that if Matt wants it over, it will be over. Maybe if he went ahead and did it, the damage would be minimal. Would that even help?
Could he even do it?
As much as Matt is a brother to him, Dom is becoming something else. Matt is reliable and comforting, but Dom is twisting his way so deep into Billy that to fully confront it makes him queasy and short of breath.
Maybe he’s falling in love with Dom.
Maybe he’s already in love with Dom.
Maybe Dom’s really the smarter of the two, knowing what he wants and going after it full thrust. Billy’s such a coward. He’s a coward for the way he’s gone about this, not being up front with Matt. He’s a coward for his thoughts not a full minute ago, for thinking that to break up with Dom would solve it.
Matt might forgive him, in time, but Dom wouldn’t.
These are all thoughts that Billy’s had before, but with each day he spends with Dom it’s harder to reconcile himself to it. The idea that this could work, he and Dom, has become something of a daydream for him. They exist (existed) in their own little bubble, apart from the rest of the world.
**
Billy realizes that Dom is not asleep at all, just being very still. He slides an arm over Dom, flattening his palm against Dom’s stomach. Dom sucks in a breath.
“You’re not going to make me go home tonight, are you?” Dom asks.
“No.” He wants to say more, to explain why, but he doesn’t have the words at that moment.
“Okay.” Dom straightens out to lay on his back. He is more closed off to Billy than he has ever been, and it twinges at Billy’s heart. He wants to know what Dom is thinking, but hasn’t the nerve to ask. It’s easier to just close his eyes and count the seconds as they go by until he’s drifted off to sleep.
**
He wakes up an hour later. His heart is throbbing and his mouth feels like cotton, dry and rough. “Dom?” he says, but his voice is rough and barely louder than a whisper.
He sits up. His head hurts. The tea cup is still on the dresser, three-fourths full. He picks it up and takes it into the kitchen. Dom is sitting on the couch watching television, his feet curled underneath him.
Billy walks in front of him, then takes the remote and turns the television off. He leans over Dom and puts his hand on Dom’s chin, tilting Dom’s face up to him, and kisses him hungrily. Dom is wordless, but not motionless; his arms come around Billy and his back arches to get closer. “Billy-“
“Come on,” Billy says gruffly. He pushes Dom toward the bedroom. When Dom starts to lay down, Billy stops him. “Let me, first.”
He pulls Dom’s shirt over his head, and then pushes the trackies down. Dom’s hard already in anticipation of Billy touching him, and Billy doesn’t disappoint. He strokes Dom with a sure grip. Dom tries to look collected, but his face slips into a pleased slackness as he grows harder; the tip of his cock emerges from his foreskin, flushed bright pink.
“You’ll lay down, while I get the stuff,” Billy instructs. He leaves Dom for only as long as it takes to locate the lube and a condom. He does not take notice of which kind he gets, but later realises that it is vanilla flavoured.
Dom is less nervous than horny, this time. When Billy walks into the room, Dom’s thighs fall apart. He’s already wanking, and his knees are bent so that he’s hiding nothing. Billy wants to watch, but he wants more to have so he doesn’t falter in moving forward. He spills lube onto his fingers and kneels between Dom’s legs. Dom is watching him, but neither of them speak until two of Billy’s fingers are in Dom to the first knuckle and Dom’s squeezing his cock hard.
“All right?” Billy asks, looking up. “I’m going to try three. Let me know if it hurts too much.”
Dom bites his lip, but says nothing until Billy thinks he’s prepared enough.
He watches intently while Billy puts on the condom. “Looks bigger when I think about it being in me.”
Billy laughs, shaking his head. “Should I take that as a compliment?”
Dom’s grin turns wolfish. “Course you should.”
He slicks himself up, and wipes his fingers on the sheets. If this goes right, they’ll need to be cleaned anyway. “We can do it like this, but it might hurt more.”
“How else- on my knees, you mean?” Dom says, frowning. “I’d rather this.”
Billy would, too, but he didn’t want to make the decision for them. He is hard enough already from the erotic nature of what he’s been doing and from putting on the condom. He lines himself up and pushes in, moving marginally forward.
He groans and slumps forward, his forehead resting against Dom’s chest. His face is damp and his thighs are beginning to ache from how tightly coiled he is. Every bit of him is waiting for Dom to relax or move.
“Now,” Dom says, finally. Billy looks up, as if he has to see into Dom’s eyes to really believe him. He rocks back and forth at first, then withdraws completely. His eyes practically roll back into his head at how good it feels. He thrusts slowly, then faster. Dom starts to move, too, his hand migrating down to his cock. “That feels. Good.”
“Surprised?” Billy asks, grinning. “You may not think so when you’re sore as fuck tomorrow.”
Dom writhes against him “Oh- shit, shit. There. Do that again.”
Billy stops and resituates himself, angling so he’s hitting Dom’s prostate. He starts pausing between thrusts so he can grind.
“Fuck, fuck,” Dom keens. He starts wanking himself, but Billy pushes his hand away and takes Dom’s cock himself. He uses slow, steady pulls… the faster Dom wants him to go, the slower Billy makes it. The unpredictability of Billy’s wanking combined with the short bursts of electricity from the fucking make Dom wild, twisting and bucking and swearing. Eventually the string of words dies down to just Billy’s name and the random curse as he sweats and groans. “I think… I’m gonna come…”
Billy thrust in hard, his own head tilting back. He grunts and reaches down between them with his free hand, circling the base of his cock with a tight grip so he doesn’t come. Dom hardly even notices. His cock is twitching, thick strings of come spurting into the air and then falling onto his stomach. Dom is still struggling to get every bit of sensation from it, grinding down against Billy until he falls back, breathing hard.
Dom is like a rag doll now in Billy’s arms. Billy starts moving in and out more quickly, setting aside his desire to be a good lover now that Dom has come. His fingers dig into Dom’s hips, not enough to bruise but enough that he can keep Dom from going anywhere. He’s moving in short little jabs now, and when he starts to come he holds himself still and drops his head down, chin against his chest as he pants.
“Christ.” Billy can’t bring himself to move for a few moments. He pulls out gingerly and peels the condom off, making a face. “You all right?”
“Brilliant,” Dom smiles dreamily, turning to him. The come on Dom’s stomach is sticky but Billy pays it no mind and pulls Dom to lay half on top of him. They can bathe soon. There’s no hurry.
**
Matt does not tell his parents, that day or the next. Dom goes home Sunday evening full of trepidation, but rings Billy shortly to tell him that it’s all well.
Billy is relieved. He’s more relieved when Dom comes over one night with applications to university. He is relieved because this seems something that will make it better. He won’t be shagging a teenager, someone still doing his A-levels. He’ll be shagging a university student. He’s cheerful that whole night, and he fucks Dom slowly and sweetly.
Dom wants to get a degree in wildlife studies, or marine biology. He spreads the computer printouts across Billy’s mattress and they sit up with the duvet across their legs and sort through them. He tells Billy that he likes history, too, but he isn’t sure he’d have the patience to do anything in life with a degree in history. He doesn’t want to teach and the idea of doing research for years and years is unappealing.
Billy encourages him to pursue something he likes. He speaks from experience, having decided that earning money was more important than pursuing a real career. He’s not sure what his life would be like if he had gone to university, so he can’t really say that he’d be better off, but he does not want for Dom the life he’s created for himself. Working in a factory, supporting his grandmother and saving for the day when he’ll be able to afford a middle-class life.
**
Two weeks later, Matt stops by the factory. It’s not Billy’s regular lunch hour, but he speaks with a supervisor and gets permission to leave.
They walk to a nearby fish and chips shop, and find a booth in the back.
“I don’t like that you’re dating my brother,” Matt says bluntly “It’s weird, and it’s creepy.”
Billy isn’t sure if he’s supposed to respond or not. He finally says, “I’m sorry for that.”
“He keeps telling me that he’s in love with you. Is it…” Matt looks acutely uncomfortable. It’s a feeling that Billy sympathizes with wholeheartedly. “Is it mutual?”
“Yeah.” Billy looks down at his plate, even though his appetite has disappeared in the face of confrontation. “I think so.”
“He’s eighteen. I can’t do anything about it. And even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.” Matt states, his voice softening marginally. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
”You could tell people.” Billy looks up at him. “That’s what you could do. You could tell your parents, or Margaret.”
“Margaret doesn’t know?” Matt looks surprised.
Billy remembers, suddenly, the crush that Matt used to have on Margaret. He almost smiles, but takes a drink of his soda instead. “No, she doesn’t. I’ll tell her soon, but… I haven’t yet.”
Matt starts to eat, so Billy does, too. For a few minutes, they are silent.
“So what are you going to do when he leaves?” Matt wipes his greasy fingers on a napkin.
“Leaves?” Billy questions.
“University. He’s applying to a few.”
Billy remembers all of the papers and booklets. “Yeah. He’s told me.”
”Well, he’ll get accepted into one of them. His marks are pretty high, considering how much time he spends pissing off with his mates. Or you.” Matt pops a chip into his mouth. “I was home for dinner last night. He talked about Oxford a lot.”
"Right..." Billy pushes his food away and wipes his mouth on a napkin. Suddenly, he's not quite so hungry.
*
"It'll be fine," Dom says. They're in bed, facing each other with the covers draped lazily around them. "We'll phone, and I'll be home most weekends and when I'm not you can come visit me."
It's strange, this bit of role reversal. Billy's not uttered a single word to Dom about his concern for their future, but apparently Dom can read it on his face. Or a little birdie that goes by the name of Matthew Monaghan has said something to him.
"It'll be fine." Billy says, finding Dom's shoulder and tugging him in close.
*
Dom's decided on a university. It's not as close as he'd have hoped, but Billy can't help but be proud that Dom didn't base his education on proximity to Billy.
He's excited now. It's all he talks about. He's packing up his things. He'll stay in a dormitory for the first term and after that, maybe find a flatmate.
Billy drives down with him one Saturday. They explore the campus and investigate the old buildings. Billy studies a bulletin board full of handwritten flyers and, when Dom isn't looking, takes a couple of the papers that advertise cheap flats in the area.
He doesn't say anything to Dom. He'll come back in a week or two and see if any of the places are livable. He'll ask his boss if there might be a chance for a factory transfer. Maybe, after that, if they're still doing well then he'll mention it to Dom after his first semester is over.
If it works out, it'll work out. If it doesn't... well, Billy doesn't really want to think about that just now, because for the first time he's pretty sure that it will work.
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Date: 2008-04-08 08:11 pm (UTC)I adore this fic so, so much. I never thought it was going to see the light of day in its entirety and it's just so brilliant and amazing and they're so perfectly Billy and Dom even when they're all AU and you are fantastic and there's going to be a sequel, right? Right?
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Date: 2008-04-08 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 08:46 pm (UTC)*shuts up about sequels since her own is so fucking overdue its not funny at all*
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Date: 2008-04-09 04:06 pm (UTC)*is very nice and does not make big WANT WANT WANT noises at the mention of your sequel*
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Date: 2008-04-08 08:59 pm (UTC)Long live Monaboyd! :D
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Date: 2008-04-09 04:07 pm (UTC)Yes, long live Monaboyd! :D
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Date: 2008-04-08 11:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 04:11 pm (UTC)So, so glad you enjoyed the story!
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Date: 2008-04-09 08:32 am (UTC)So many great lines, and what a nice job you did conveying all those delicate feelings and situations so realistically.
*loves loves loves*
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Date: 2008-04-09 04:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 05:01 pm (UTC)But I agree with
I love that Matt's a little skeeved about it and yet is still willing to tolerate it for his friendship with Billy. And I love how Dom, in true Dom-fashion, just steamrolls over Billy's objections.
Wonderful!!!
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Date: 2008-04-09 08:24 pm (UTC)Will we at least have a sequel for Monaboyd Month this time next year? There will be a MM next year, right?
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Date: 2008-04-09 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-10 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-11 05:02 pm (UTC)You did a great job weaving in so many quintessential Monaboyd details (the way Dom makes Billy laugh until he feels like he's gonna piss himself, the way no one else gets them quite like they just get each other, the point of contact between them that is always present when they're sitting side by side, etc...) That's the recipe for a brilliant AU. Congrats!
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Date: 2008-04-13 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-15 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-15 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 08:12 am (UTC)