monaboyd_month | Fic: When You Need a Friend

Title: When You Need a Friend
Author:

dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-ish.
Summary: Late night visitors and the bond between best mates.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it's my drug of choice.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Written for

monaboyd_month. Many, many thanks to

not_a_lamb for the awesome beta.

It's Elijah who insists that something like this can't be told over the phone, and after a series of calls to the Fellowship, the burden falls to Orlando, when it’s determined that he's the closest. While he's not eager to be the bearer of such news, he agrees that if their positions were reversed, he wouldn't want to be alone when the words were spoken. Even so, it's well past midnight when he knocks on the door of Billy's wee cottage in Scotland, mustering up the courage and strength he's going to require. He has no doubt that Billy is going to need a friend.

He's knocking for the third time when a light is switched on inside, and a few moments later, the door cracks open, revealing Billy in a robe with tousled hair and bare feet.

"Hey Bill." Orlando tries to smile, but it's weak and forced at best.

Confusion regarding the late-night visitor fades, replaced by growing dread as the Scotsman opens the door and sags heavily against the frame. When he finally speaks, the words are uttered in a painful whisper.

"Is he dead?"

"No! He's okay," Orlando replies quickly. "Well, not okay, but-"

“I knew he was struggling, since the move to LA," Billy adds sadly, hand rubbing the spot over heart as it's begun to ache. “Not getting any work.”

Orlando nods in agreement, at a loss for what to say to make Billy feel better about the distance of late between the close friends.

“What happened?"

"Mac was in the kitchen getting a glass of water when he heard something and checked it out," Orlando continues as Billy steps back and beckons him to follow him into the cottage. "He found Dom passed out in the loo and couldn't wake him up. He rang for an ambulance and then called Sean. Doctor’s seem to think the overdose was an accident, but Dom’s not awake yet, so-"

"Media get hold of it yet?"

"The story is allergic reaction to prescribed medication and that he's being monitored until he stabilizes. It seems to be holding for now."

Exhaling heavily, Billy nods and then turns on his heel. "I need to pack."

"Sean's working on a flight for you," Orlando adds, trailing the older man down the hall to his bedroom. "He figured-"

"Orli," Billy interrupts sharply.

"Yeah?"

"Can you wait - somewhere else?" Billy requests, his back turned and chin lowered to hide his emotions. "I need a few minutes."

"Oh, right. Sure. Sorry. I'll go call Sean."

"Aye. You do that."

Awkwardly, Orlando backs out of the room, closing the door to give Billy some space and much needed privacy. They all knew that Dom has been struggling, for months now, but nobody thought it would get this bad. Everyone assumed that Dom would bounce back, like before.

In New Zealand, Dom struggled with occasional bouts of melancholy while so far away from home during filming, on the other side of the world from everyone he loved. Each time, he got through it, thanks in large part to the tight bond he formed with Billy. Each time, it was the unwavering support and friendship with his best mate that allowed Dom to find his smile and endearing cheekiness.

This time, however, isn’t like before.

~*~*~*~*~

It's a long, mostly sleepless flight for Billy, followed by endless hours of sitting in a sterile hospital waiting room that fails in its attempt to be cheerful, watching Elijah pace the length of the room and occasionally picking at the food that Chris delivers at regular intervals. She brings tea for Billy in a thermos, so he doesn't have to drink it out of a styrofoam cup, but it grows cold in his hands when he gets lost in his mind. The times he tried to call and was forced to leave a message. The trip to America that he postponed because of work, knowing that Dom was in a new country, and could’ve used a visit from his best mate. The knot in his gut for the last week, knowing that something just wasn’t right. So many things Billy would do differently, if given the chance to do it over again.

They know Dom's woken up twice, and that the medical staff is still evaluating him, deciding if he's a danger to himself. It stings that Billy can't see Dom for himself, that he's locked away where the people who care can't tell him to hold on, to fight. Day has once again lost its battle to night, the sun starting to set when Sean goes home to have dinner and tuck his little girls into bed. Elijah on the other hand, finally runs down like a clock, crashing out on a nearby couch, leaving Billy with his thoughts. Letting his head roll back, Billy idly starts counting ceiling tiles, only to be interrupted by the sound of someone addressing him by name.

"Mr. Boyd?" a doctor in a white lab coat repeats as she tucks a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear, moving further into the waiting room, eyes passing over the snoring American by the window.

"Billy. How is he?"

"Better,” she reports. “I think he'd like to see you."

Nearly leaping to his feet, Billy winces at the stiffness in his back, but wastes no time crossing the room to the door. Side by side, they walk down a short hall to a locked door, a buzzing sound filling the quiet as they're granted access to the secure ward. Another reminder of the distance that's being enforced. Dom hasn't been permitted to have visitors, 'Get Well' cards or even flowers. No contact except for hospital personnel. Another forty-three steps, and the doctor pauses.

"You should know that- well, he’s-"

"I'll be gentle," Billy replies. "I promise."

"Okay."

He has to blink twice to reconcile the vibrant image of New Zealand Dom in his head with the eerily still young man inhabiting the hospital bed. With a nod of thanks to the doctor, Billy closes the door behind him, and waits for Dom to acknowledge his presence. The longest thirty seconds of Billy's life ticks by, the younger man curled up in a protective ball, gnawing on his lower lip and staring at his faintly trembling hands. The polish that normally covers some of his nails has been removed, further evidence that this is not the Dom that Billy is used to seeing.

Slowly closing the distance between them, Billy pauses at the side of the chair next to the bed, eyes focused intently on the dark blonde fringe that's hiding Dom's eyes.

"Well?"

Dom swallows hard and lifts his chin a few inches to meet Billy's gaze for a brief moment.

"Bills, I-"

"Aye?" Billy prompts softly, sinking down into the chair and leaning forward intently, making it nearly impossible for Dom not to look at him.

"I'm sorry."

The small words are pushed out quietly, but with great effort, shame causing Dom's head to dip again, his breathing unsteady.

"I wish you'd called me back," Billy replies, resisting the urge to ask why. "I left messages."

"Yeah."

"Something wrong with your mobile?"

Dom shakes his head. "Didn't want to bother you."

"I can't fecking believe-"

When Dom winces and curls into an even tighter ball, Billy bites off the sharp words and exhales gustily.

"For a smart bloke, you sure say some daft things," he adds long moments later with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. "What are we going to do with you?"

Eyes fixed on the knees he's hugging to his chest, Dom shrugs halfheartedly.

"Dommie? Look at me."

Reluctantly, the younger man obeys, blinking rapidly as excess moisture floods his eyes.

"I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry for that," Billy begins, hand sliding over the light blue hospital blanket until his fingertips make contact with Dom's forearm.

"I thought I was okay," Dom whispers hoarsely, trying to explain how he ended up here. Trying to make sense of it. "I didn't- It was like I blinked and I was in the dark. I tried, but I couldn't find my way out."

The deep and aching sadness in Dom's tormented eyes cause Billy's stomach to twist painfully, and the decision is made. Billy rises from the chair and stretches out on the firm hospital bed, arms sliding around slender shoulders as best he can to wrap Dom up in a protective embrace.

"C'mere," Billy whispers tenderly, his hands rubbing in small circles to soothe and offer comfort.

"Bills-"

"Shhh, it's all right, Dommie."

Tears escape, rolling down Dom's cheeks and dampening Billy's wrinkled shirt as he surrenders, the weight on his shoulders too heavy to bear for one more second. It's a relief to be able to release the burden. "I'm so sorry."

"I know."

~*~*~*~*~

After spending nearly an hour with Dom, talking quietly, Billy refuses to leave the hospital, and is prepared continue to pass the time in the nearby waiting room. He wants to be close by, in case Dom needs him, even if it’s in the middle of night. Dom’s palpable distress is weighing heavily on Billy’s mind, making sleep elusive at best. All Billy can hope is that it will help Dom, knowing that his best mate isn’t far away.

He’s surprised when the doctor with kind eyes reappears a short time later and asks Billy to join him once again, and Elijah looks on with curiosity as they disappear behind the locked door.

It’s clear that Dom is just as confused as Billy when his visitor arrives, but he sits up and manages a small smile for the Scotsman.

“Hey Bill.”

“Dommie.”

Blue-grey eyes grow worried as they move to the doctor. “Is there something wrong?”

“Not at all. I just thought you’d like Billy here, while we talked, but if you’d prefer-”

“No,” Dom interrupts quickly. “Stay, Bill. Please?”

“Of course.”

Stepping forward to take Dom’s outstretched hand, it’s somewhat comforting to see his best mate look more like himself, even if it’s just for a few moments at a time. He’s reaching out, accepting support. It’s what he and Billy discussed a little while ago, and he’s trying.

Billy takes a seat next to Dom as the doctor flips through numerous sheets of paper in Dom’s chart, pursing his lips in thought before turning his attention to the two men before him.

“How are you feeling, Dom?”

“Better,” Dom replies quickly, then bites down on his lower lip for a moment. “Wobbly like a wee kitten, but better.”

“How would you feel about getting out of here? Going home?”

Dom’s grip on Billy’s small hand tightens, and their eyes meet briefly before both return their attention to the doctor.

“Home?” Dom repeats. “Really?”

“Already?” Billy asks in surprise. “I mean-”

“That depends on you, Dom. Do you think you’re a danger to yourself or anyone else?” the doctor asks very seriously, her eyes locked with Dom’s.

There is a long pause as Dom considers the question, first looking at the blanket covering his lower half, then Billy’s hand in his, and finally warm green eyes.

“I wasn’t trying to top myself,” he says quietly. “I was trying to feel, anything, and I lost control.”

When Billy slides the fingers of his free hand through Dom’s tousled hair and gives his slender shoulder a comforting squeeze, Dom’s eyes flutter closed for a moment. It's almost as though he draws strength from the touch, and Dom sits up a little straighter before continuing.

“I don’t want to die. I’m sure of that.”

“Do you feel ready to leave the hospital?” the doctor asks, her eyes kind, voice gentle. “That you have some support at home?”

Wordlessly, Dom meets Billy’s gaze, wanting to ask how long he can stay, but afraid of the answer.

“I’m not alone, I have some friends-”

“I’m not going anywhere," Billy interjects. "I'm here. For as long as you need me. And if for some reason I have to go home, you'll be going on holiday to Scotland."

Giving Billy's hand a grateful squeeze, Dom rewards him with a warm, genuine smile.

"I'd like that."

"Okay then," the doctor decides. "I'll write up your prescriptions and the paperwork to get you released. You'll be sleeping in your own bed tonight."

"Ta."

After the doctor leaves the room, Billy wraps his arms around Dom and hugs him fiercely. "I meant what I said, Dommie. I'm not expecting you-"

"It's not a quick fix," Dom interrupts, meeting Billy's concerned gaze. "This was a warning. I need to change things, and I need to reach out when I’m in trouble, even when the stupid part of my brain doesn’t agree."

"Daftie."

~*~*~*~*~

Dinner is Thai takeaway, and when Dom tries to stifle a yawn for the third time, the television is turned off without protest. Mac rounds up a pillow, sheets and a blanket for Elijah's makeshift bed on the couch before he says goodnight and disappears into his room, leaving the three friends alone.

"Do you want to use the loo first?" Billy asks Dom before getting to his feet and stretching his arms above his head. It's been a long few days, and he's looking forward to a good night's sleep. The fact that it's not his usual bed won't matter. It’ll be an improvement over the airline seat and the molded plastic chair in the hospital.

"Okay." Nodding, Dom shuffles down the hall, knowing full well that he'll be the topic of conversation while he's out of the room.

"He seems-" Elijah begins, then trails off uncertainly. "What do you think?"

"I think some sleep will help, for all of us," Billy replies wearily. "It's been a long few days."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to be okay on the couch?"

Elijah grins. "I think it's been well established that I can sleep anywhere. You've been up longer than me, with the flight and time zone thing. You should take the guest room.”

“Aye. Thanks.”

Unable to stop himself, Elijah adds, “I'm surprised that Dom didn't ask you to-"

"It's his decision," Billy interjects softly. "He's just gotten out of hospital. I don't blame him for wanting some space to himself."

"But you're Billy."

At the nostalgic look in Elijah's eyes, the Scotsman can't help but smile fondly. "I'll be here for a while. Things might change."

"Loo's free," Dom calls as he reappears in the living room, cheeks pink from the face flannel that was used to scrub the hospital away, and smelling lightly of mint.

"I'm next," Elijah volunteers, using it as an opportunity to give the two men a few moments alone. "G'night."

"Night, Lij."

Once Elijah disappears from sight, Dom looks over, not surprised that Billy has closed the distance between them, now just a few feet separating them.

"Night, Bill."

"Sweet dreams, Dommie."

A oddly brief hug is shared before Dom disappears into his room, the door closing behind him with a quiet click. Light is visible at the bottom of the door when Billy leaves the living room, wanting to wash off at least some of the last few days before collapsing into bed, and by the time he emerges from the loo, the light is gone, the flat quiet.

The urge to check on Dom is strong, but Billy resists, remembering the promise the younger man made to him in the hospital. If he needs Billy, he will come find him. The last thing Dom needs is to feel like he's being watched or judged. That Billy doesn't trust him. The thought is of little comfort as Billy crawls into bed, exhaustion overwhelming his dwindling reserve of adrenaline, and moments after his head touches the pillow, he's fallen into a heavy, deep sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

The room is still dark when Billy awakens with a start, an unsettling dream disturbing his slumber. A bleary look at the clock on the night stand informs him that morning is many hours away, and he rolls over, relieved that he can go back to sleep. In moments, the images of the dream begin to fade and his heartbeat starts to return to normal, but it's after Billy exhales slowly in an effort to relax that he shivers involuntarily as a familiar sensation washes over him, like he's not alone. He listens, trying to confirm his suspicions, and then speaks.

"Dom?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," the younger man replies after a long pause, a shadow shifting in the darkness. "Just wanted to sit here for a bit."

Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Billy's hand slides blindly across the rumpled coverlet until his fingers make contact with bare toes.

"You're cold," Billy admonishes gently. "Get under here where it's warm."

"I was just on my way out. I'll let you-"

"No," Billy interrupts firmly, hand moving with surprising speed in the dark, fingers wrapping around Dom's leg just below the knee. "Don't go."

"Bill-"

"Shut it. Think about who you're talking to. C'mere," Billy coaxes, tugging gently until Dom relents and shifts closer to the top of the bed. "You're keeping me awake," he teases.

"I'm sorry-"

"Will you stop that?"

"What?"

"Apologizing for every bloody thing you say and do," Billy replies, watching in the low light as Dom peels back the coverlet enough to slip beneath it. "Why do you keep saying that?"

Stalling, Dom shifts onto his side and then his stomach, trying to get comfortable and also grateful for the familiar sensation of the Scotsman's warmth. If only he could avoid having to answer the question.

"Because I am," Dom finally admits, voice barely above a whisper. "Sorry. For everything."

"I know you are, Dommie. You've said it, over and over."

"I just want-"

Billy lays back down, cheek resting on the edge of Dom's pillow. "What?"

The words are there, on the tip of his tongue, but at the last second Dom loses his nerve. He can't make himself say it. Too afraid of how it'll sound. Too afraid of what the response might be. "Never mind."

"Dom-"

"It's late. You should get some sleep."

"Aye, we should," Billy corrects, exhaling a heavy sigh of barely restrained frustration before shifting closer to Dom. "C'mere."

He wants Dom to tell him what's on his mind, share the burden, but isn't going to force it. That will only push Dom further away.

"I can't help it," Dom says softly, voice muffled as he curls into Billy's embrace, head tucked under Billy's scruffy chin. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I know."

"I feel-"

"What?" Billy prompts after a long moment of silence, rubbing the younger man's back and turning his head so his cheek is pressed against Dom's mussed hair.

"Guilty."

Keeping his opinions to himself, Billy strokes the soft skin at the nape of Dom’s neck, gently massaging the tense muscles beneath. “Go on.”

"You came all this way. Could tell you were bloody knackered when I saw you at the hospital," Dom says, then sighs heavily. "You looked so relieved that- I don’t know. I just know that I made you worry. About me."

"I was already worried, Dommie. Have been for a while now."

"And then I made it worse," Dom adds miserably. "You have every right to be pissed at me, but instead you just-"

"I was glad that I still had my best mate," Billy murmurs gently. "Couldn't be angry after that."

"Still feel like a fuckwit for causing so much trouble."

Silence rolls out like a mist over their prone bodies as Billy absorbs what Dom has said, taking in a quick breath when it finally dawns on him, what Dom might need from him, but is too afraid to ask.

"Dom?"

"Yeah?"

"I forgive you."

"What?" Dom asks, pulling back and squinting at the older man, able to make out most of his facial features since his eyes have adjusted to the low light. The expression on Billy's face is kind, not a trace of annoyance or hurt.

"I forgive you, for whatever it is that you need me to forgive you for," Billy explains, shifting until their foreheads touch as his arms gently slide around Dom's slender body. "Whatever it is, you can let it go. You're my best mate and I love you. That's not going to change, no matter what daft things you might say or do. But-"

The dreaded word makes Dom wince. "But?"

"If things start to go dark again," Billy continues. "You need to do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Call me. Day or night. I don't care what time. You don't need to explain. I'll be there, for whatever and however long you need."

"What if I don't know what to say?"

"Help," Billy replies gently. "That's all I need to hear. When you say that, I'll know what it means, and I'll be on the next flight."

“Help? That's it? Just like that?”

“Aye, just like that.” Lifting his chin, Billy kisses Dom’s forehead. “You’re my best mate, Dommie. You need me, I’ll be there.”

The simplicity of the solution seems almost too good to be true, overwhelming Dom's emotions, his body starting to tremble with the effort of trying to contain them. He doesn't resist when Billy pulls him firmly to his chest, wrapping him up in a protective embrace. The tension and anxiety that have been Dom’s companions of late begin to melt away as he surrenders, feeling warm, safe and cared for unconditionally.

"Love you, too, Bills."

"I know."

"So tired," Dom sighs. "Feels like it's been weeks since I got a good night's sleep."

"Close your eyes," Billy murmurs, settling into a comfortable position with Dom pressed against him. "We'll have a nice lie in tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Realizing that Dom's well on his way to dreamland, Billy smiles, and closes his eyes. Something tells him that they'll both sleep well for the rest of the night.

~*~*~*~*~

"Billy. Wake up," Elijah exclaims as he comes barreling to the guest room at full speed, needing reinforcements after finding Dom's bed empty just moments ago. "Dom's-"

"Shhh," Billy cautions, a finger to his lips to quiet the American, his other arm wrapped around Dom's sleeping form, tousled blonde hair tucked under his chin.

Panic fades and a smile spreads across Eljiah's face at the sight of Dom sprawled peacefully in Billy's embrace. "He wasn't in his room and I thought-"

Silently, Billy nods his understanding.

"Is he okay?"

"Aye, I think so," Billy replies softly, giving Dom a fond look. "He just needed a little help."

Elijah watches silently as Billy tucks the coverlet more securely around his best mate, then lays his head back down on the pillow. Not wanting to intrude any further and confident that Dom is in very good hands, Elijah backs out of the room, closing the door with a quiet click.

~*~*~*~*~

fin