monaboyd_month | Cant Stop Gotta Date With Hate

Title: Can’t Stop Gotta Date With Hate
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Monaboyd, Dom/?
Summery: Someone’s watching Dom…
Comments: Yeah I know songfics are fail, but does it make it ok that it’s Lostprophets not, I don’t know, Celine Dion? Anyway the song is here if you want a listen. Ok, this fic is pretty damn creepy. For the beginning the creep doesn’t have a name so I wont spoil it. I apologise to this guy’s fans ^^; I made him batshit crazy and creepy. But then there’s fluff, ok? =) Oh, and sorry if the point-of-view switching confuses anyone.

“Paint your fingernails at night
Style you hair in the bathroom light
Hatred never looked this good
Whoever thought it could?”

“Lost your keys again Dom?”

“Yup.” He grinned and rifled through his pockets as Billy sighed, an exhalation of long-suffering, stamping his feet in the freezing cold. Although it was only early evening, the winter air was biting.

“Aha!” Dom flourished like a magician and produced his jingling keys, sticking one into the front door to let himself and his friend in. Although it was only early evening, the Scottish winter was bitter, and they were glad to be out of its clutches.

I watched this scene silently from down the street, short breaths flowing from my mouth in angry bursts of steam, pointed pale chin hidden in the folds of a scarf, hands thrust into dark pockets. A bitter man in the bitter cold.

I advanced quietly down the street to the house whose door had just slammed, isolating me from the warmth inside. But I had been isolated from any sort of warm feelings for some time now.

Coming around the side of the house, trees encroaching over the fence on my other side like accusing, arthritic hands, I could see Billy moving through his kitchen, Dom following, shedding outdoor layers.

They spoke and I couldn’t hear them. Dom left the room suddenly, towards the stairs. I looked up and took hold of a strong, rough limb, pulling myself up silently. The leaves moved on my face like someone else’s hair flying in the wind as I sat, crouched on the limb.

“I don't wanna wait or leave it up to fate
Cause I just wanna watch you all night.”

A light went on in Dom’s bedroom and I could see him moving inside. It was like he knew he was being watched – nobody looked that flawless in private surely. I’d expected some change, some dent in the perfection that you were when there was someone else there. No, nothing. He changed into a dark purple shirt – I remembered the day he got it. I remembered everything. He was still slim, but not as pale. Same small dip at the base of his throat, which always looked so unique to me.

Dom was spiking up his hair in the bathroom, which could be seen through the room. I had always told him it looked better over his eyes – this was making me angry.

“Hey Dom!” Billy’s voice from somewhere else in the house made me twitch with annoyance. “Astin’s on TV.”

“Oh right?” Dom shouted back, now putting on eyeliner and leaning in close to the mirror. Just the same as he always did.

“Yeah – he’s like twelve it’s funny.”

“I’ll come have a look in two secs.” Putting black on his fingernails now, quickly and with no precision. Just the same as he always did.

“Fuck you Elijah.” I jumped. Dom was looking in the mirror, forehead creased. “Fuck you fuck you.” He was so beautifully angry, so exquisitely furious with me. I liked that Dom still thought of me sometimes. But then he left the room and the euphoria vanished. I wanted to see Dom, while he was thinking of me.

”One kiss those lips could never lie
But I know something isn't right
Don't be fooled my friends aside
Cause I see nothing in those eyes
All said and done
This won't be fun
Make no mistake
Those smiles are fake.”

I lowered myself to the ground and moved slowly to the front of the house, standing by the wall to wait. The door opened sooner then I expected but it was Billy, not Dom. I faced away hoping he wouldn’t see me but he strode straight to me.

“Elijah you creepy bastard, get out of here now.” I composed myself and rearranged my face into that of neutral pleasantness, before I turned to him.

“No need for such hostility Billy.” Billy gave a short laugh – dear God but that man’s voice made my spine cold.

“No need? Plenty need. I saw you going past the house – were you watching him?”

“He said he didn’t want to see me – he didn’t say I couldn’t see him.” I was keeping as bland as possible, as if we were discussing the weather or the kind of thing that gets a two-minute time slot at the end of the news.

“Elijah people don’t usually need to make a point of telling someone not to stalk them – it goes without saying!” I was infuriating him, this was fun.

“Why are you so angry Billy?” I asked nonchalantly, lighting a cigarette. Maybe if I make him angry enough he’ll have an outburst and Dom will come out to see what’s wrong.

“Why!? Because you hurt him, that’s why! He kept coming to be in these black moods telling me he was losing you, that you weren’t really there anymore. He kept saying you were giving him fake smiles, that you didn’t mean it when you kissed him anymore.” In the dark I’m pretty cure he coloured a little at those words, but that could have been the anger. “Then you started messing around with other people and it was all true. I fucking defended you until then, and then I felt like a fool. I should have told him to drop you like a brick before it was too late.”

I could have explained. I could have told him I never wanted things I had. I wanted him before, and I wanted him now. But it stopped being fun when Dom fell in love with me. While I didn’t have to chase, it wasn’t any fun at all. But I didn’t want to tell Billy that, I wanted to tell Dom.

“Well then, if it was your fault, why are you angry with me? Or are you just angry with yourself?” I can’t help but smile now – because I knew I was right. Then he punched me. This made me feel less numb, and less of an onlooker, because it hurt quite a lot. But I’d rather it was Dom.

I watched him breathe angrily, shoulders squared, and wiped blood from my lips. “Are you fucking him is that it?” I wanted him to yell until Dom could hear. I could have shouted but I didn’t feel like there was enough space inside me for that to come out. He didn’t speak, let alone shout, or move a muscle.

“Go home Elijah.” Did I detect a note of pity? Don’t you dare pity me you cunt. I’ve still got him, and you know it. I walked past him towards to house and suddenly there he was, framed in the doorway, frozen halfway between the light and the dark, not coming any further. I stood at the bottom of the step, looking up at him, waiting for him. Always waiting.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was quiet and grated in his throat, and it seemed to take a lot of effort for him to make himself say it. I know what you want to hear.

“I wanted to see you, to talk to you, please.” I could feel Billy’s outrage at my change of behaviour from behind my back.

“No.” He said very firmly. No? He wasn’t supposed to say no. He was angry with me; I still meant that much him and anger was a powerful force. I was offering him something he wanted – he wasn’t supposed to tell me no!

“Go home.” Billy repeated, walking past me. Who the fuck was he to tell me to go home!? This had nothing to do with him! He’d have told me yes if Billy hadn’t been there, making him ashamed to let me in. I wanted to hurt him, so much I wanted to. But I wasn’t getting very much of what I wanted tonight and I knew I wasn’t going to.

I saw Dom look back at me only once, sadly, before he shut the door.

“All the times that we've suffered this before
Never once did you ever close that door
All the makeup cannot hide the fact that you're gone
And you're never coming back”

-----

“I… I don’t think I feel like going out anymore.” Dom said slowly, sitting on the sofa. I was furious with Elijah for doing this and sat beside him.

“Dom please don’t let him get to you. He’s… I don’t know what’s happened to him but it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to deal with his mind games.” I doubted very much that I was being helpful – Dom looked no less upset.

“I know… it just scares me a bit.” He looked up from his knotted hands for help and I didn’t know what to say.

“I won’t let him do anything to you.” I didn’t mean to sound patronising but I knew I did. But he still smiled a bit, then sighed. “Are we stopping on this sofa, watching Astin’s movie and getting drunk then?” He smiled a little more assuredly.

“Sounds like a plan.”

I paused in the kitchen while getting drink – thinking about what Elijah had said. Why had he asked if I was sleeping with Dom? Did I act like I was… or wanted to? Maybe I did. I knew I did. But I wasn’t going to put that before being his friend, ever.

I went back into the living room determined to forget about this, and to help Dom do the same. I hated seeing him hurting. I hated Elijah more for doing it. Dom did get drunk as suggested but I resisted, not quite sure I could trust myself to.

Dom was lying with his head in my lap as the movie’s credits rolled to some very eighties theme tune, and I felt sober and awkward. I couldn’t help thinking that he’s sweet when he’s drunk. I’m being ridiculous.

Then I noticed Dom glancing out the window as the TV went quiet. I extricated myself from under his head without a word and closed the curtains. “Better?” He nodded, head wobbling from still being sideways. God, this had really scared him. I felt helpless. Dom yawned. “Sleeping here?” He nodded again. I threw the blanket folder over the arm of a chair over him and pulled it round him. “Sleep good.” I turned out the sidelight.

“Stay here.” There was heavy silence, and I sat in the chair. He shook his head and shuffled back from the edge of the sofa. I didn’t know what to do. Dom might have been drunk but he knew what he was asking. I got up and lay down on my back beside him. With barely a pause he’d wrapped an arm across my chest and buried his face in my neck. I was still lying rigid, hands pressed to the sides of my jeans.

“You’re always looking after me.” He mumbled, and I could feel his lips moving, and his warm breath, against my skin. “Why do I go get into such trouble with other people?” I wasn’t sure what to say to this. I wasn’t even sure what he meant. Was he asking why I let him get into trouble with people like Elijah… or why would he want to?

“Um… because you want to, I guess.” That didn’t make much sense but he sounded like he was actually waiting for an answer.

“Do I?” I felt his head tilt and he was looking up at me. I should be stopping this – I should be getting up and walking away. He was drunk, it wasn’t fair. But wasn’t that always the way?

“I don’t know.” I was trying to stay neutral, just saying ‘yes’ would have been even safer but that sounded a bit harsh. I couldn’t quite keep a mildly wistful tone out of my voice.

Then he kissed me, so lightly that if my eyes were shut I might not have felt it, and pushed his face into my chest. I can’t deny I liked being the one protecting Dom – in a physical, or indeed any sense – but this would end. He could wake up tomorrow and laugh about it, which would sting.

As I heard his breath rising and falling in sleep, I decided all I could do was prepare for the brush-off in the morning, and go to sleep.

------------

I opened my eyes – Billy was sleeping. It was later and I was dehydrated from drink. But even if I wanted to extricate myself from Billy and go to the kitchen I couldn’t without waking him. Water could wait until morning.

“I love you.” I closed my eyes and drifted off.